seekingserenityy asked: Hi. My close relationships tend to bring out the worst in me. I get easily annoyed, angry, ignorant, selfish, almost even mean. These emotions come with such strength, it seems impossible to just observe them. I get caught up in them. Even when I try to let them go, they still effect my mood and the way I act, speak, think, feel. When this happens, I often feel ashamed and pull back. I would appreciate some advice on how to just.. be. How to not get caught up. Namaste
When you realize and accept that relationships cannot give or take anything, your ego has a lot less to kick up a fuss about.
Relationships are for relating with and enjoying one another.
It may seem impossible to remain the witness of your emotions but it is not. You are already the witness to your reactions, only you are so fixated on the reactions that you forget yourself as the witness. To remain as the witness means to remember yourself as not being your body and its emotive reactions.
Come back to yourself. This is not a single action but a continual effort to return to yourself every time you meet the challenge of reactivity. Each and every time you come back to witness these emotions, you diminish their control over you. Over time it will become easier.
Ask yourself why you feel so conflicted with your relationships. They are meant to be expressions of life enjoying itself; when they become sources of pain it is time to re-evaluate your reasons and approach.
You are whole. No relationship can add to your wholeness or subtract from it. Therefore there is no reason to cling to a relationship out of selfishness nor put up a wall of anger out of fear that the relationship can somehow diminish your Being.
Daily meditation reminds you and keeps you in touch with Being so that when you find yourself in the world among these turbid emotions, you can recognize them as a kind of transient intoxication and stand aloof as the witness.
The act of witnessing itself takes the wind out of the sails of the ego, it removes energy from reactivity and allows the emotions to burn themselves out.
Often our thoughts tune to the frequency of our emotions so that when we feel an emotion, our thoughts tend to reflect that perspective. When we are happy, we see the world as a beautiful place. When we are depressed, it looks like hell. And when we are annoyed, the world seems worthy of burning.
The reason why you have trouble letting go is because your thoughts tend to rekindle the emotions. When you think in tune with the frequency of your emotions, it’s like adding fuel to the fire. Instead, shift your attention away from thought into direct feeling/witnessing/perception of those emotions.
Patience is peace. Watch, watch, watch. Realize you are always the watcher and sit back as that witness. It is certainly not easy at first but effort is needed to break the inertia of your ignorance.
Take heart and keep at it.
Namaste :) Much love sis