wisdominmyname asked: You always say that live in the now, but what if someone's life sucks right 'now'? I don't know what's wrong but i cannot take this anymore, i'm having sucidial thoughts. There's this deep sadness that's crept in me at a fundamental level. I'm becoming bitter, indifferent and losing myself.
I draw attention to the present moment, the now, not only to encourage you to live there but to remember that it is all there is.
You don’t just live in the now, you are the now. To live in the now is to remember yourself. The present moment is the only place in which life unfolds.
Every moment contains the dance of mood, emotion, and perception. Sometimes that moment can be unpleasant and sometimes enjoyable. Peace does not mean forcing the moment to be one way permanently. Rather, peace comes from the recognition of what is permanent to every moment.
While everything you experience is transient, you are always there to witness those experiences as a presence. Peace comes when you begin to recognize yourself as the permanent presence of existence.
That self is not defined by mental thoughts, imaginations, or bodily sensations. It is wordless, formless, boundless, and vibrant.
Your suicidal thoughts are a misplaced desire to find Silence and Peace. Because you mistake your identity to be this body, you think by destroying this form you will find peace. I’m here to tell you that it is through this form that you will find peace.
You do not need to shove away what you are experiencing now, this pain, in favor of pursuing some idea of happiness. Pain stays until we have learned what it is here to show us. By that I mean that until we know why we suffer, what confusion or delusion is causing us pain, we cannot know how to let it go.
Peace comes not from certain experiences but discovering what you really are at your most fundamental level. Right now you are confusing who you are for your transitory (and currently suicidal) thoughts, your emotive feelings such as sadness, and the judgment that you are losing yourself.
I can understand how pain can be tremendous and overwhelming. This reminds me of a quote from Pema Chodron: “No one ever tells us to stop running away from fear…the advice we usually get is to sweeten it up, smooth it over, take a pill, or distract ourselves, but by all means make it go away.”
Don’t fear these feelings you have. Don’t act on them, draw conclusions from them, or try to cover them up. Be unmoved by them yet entirely conscious of their presence.
To not fear your own fear is true fearlessness. It doesn’t mean you have no fear but rather that fear has no power over you, even when you feel it threatening to swallow you whole.
It is up to you how you will take this insight and move forward. Your current suffering and confusion may be used to find clarity and peace. That is what I suggest you do.
You are not broken. You do not require fixing. Seek insight into the conflict you feel.
A few books that you will find tremendous guidance from: The Places That Scare You by Pema Chodron, The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, and Belonging Here by Judith Blackstone.
On top of all this, you may also find great perspective by seeing a therapist. In a pinch, I’m always here too.
Namaste :) Much love