The Lazy Yogi

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stopsleeping-wakeup asked: Hi lazyyogi, I've been thinking about something for awhile. I find that I feel good when I am helping others in need, and it makes me sad to live by another person's pain. However, this makes me feel like everything we do to help is always, deep down, about the "me" and the "I". I feel good for giving, so I will do it again, because it invokes pleasure into my brain. But isn't it just truly only for my brain I'm doing it for, because I technically can't live inside someone else's?

There is nothing wrong with taking joy in another person’s happiness. It only becomes ego-oriented when you give credit to the false notion of ‘I’. Help others but don’t make it an identity for yourself. 

“If I am only happy for myself, many fewer chances for happiness. If I am happy when good things happen to other people, billions more chances to be happy!” ~ The Dalai Lama

This is the attitude we should take when approaching community service or charity work or just helping a friend. 

Instead of “I’m a good person for helping others,” it’s more like, “Let’s celebrate the good fortune of having made this world a better place for each other.”

Deep down, there is no separation between you and the people you help. Helping others and not abiding by their suffering is indeed a true view. It is the stuff of Mahayana Buddhism. 

I would highly recommend you read Becoming Enlightened by the Dalai Lama. It will help you to sort out any potential ego hangups while exploring more deeply your capacity to love and help others. 

Namaste :)

yogabunny asked: How would you suggest a person be both confident & humble at the same time? Some people get constantly told that they need to be more confident and the ones that already are come off as egotistical or bragging. Or at least that's how I feel like I come off.

What does confidence accomplish? It allows you to be unashamedly who and where you are in this moment. That’s all. When you are that comfortable, you are willing to be as outgoing or contemplative as the moment seems fit. Fear or insecurity does not modify your behavior.

In order to achieve this desire to be comfortable in the moment, we have invented this notion of confidence. Confidence seems to be our word for having a reason to believe in ourselves. Because of ____________, you are confident. 

Humility, on the other hand, is not about making yourself appear lesser in any way. Humility means understanding that, cosmically speaking, you are no more important than a peach tree. Or that a gopher is no smaller than a supernova. 

When you can understand the vast beauty and meaninglessness behind the fact that all things are equal because nothing is separate, then you can be humble. And that humility gives the best kind of confidence, which is more like an innocent joy. 

To come back to your point, an egotistical confidence draws its justification from your personality. Because you think you are a certain kind of person, you feel confident. 

The real kind of confidence is really just the absence of the problem confidence poses to solve in the first place. It is the absence of that fear to be who and what you are in this moment. It is the innocent humility that  I described above.

Namaste :)

wisdominmyname asked: You always say that live in the now, but what if someone's life sucks right 'now'? I don't know what's wrong but i cannot take this anymore, i'm having sucidial thoughts. There's this deep sadness that's crept in me at a fundamental level. I'm becoming bitter, indifferent and losing myself.

I draw attention to the present moment, the now, not only to encourage you to live there but to remember that it is all there is. 

You don’t just live in the now, you are the now. To live in the now is to remember yourself. The present moment is the only place in which life unfolds. 

Every moment contains the dance of mood, emotion, and perception. Sometimes that moment can be unpleasant and sometimes enjoyable. Peace does not mean forcing the moment to be one way permanently. Rather, peace comes from the recognition of what is permanent to every moment. 

While everything you experience is transient, you are always there to witness those experiences as a presence. Peace comes when you begin to recognize yourself as the permanent presence of existence. 

That self is not defined by mental thoughts, imaginations, or bodily sensations. It is wordless, formless, boundless, and vibrant. 

Your suicidal thoughts are a misplaced desire to find Silence and Peace. Because you mistake your identity to be this body, you think by destroying this form you will find peace. I’m here to tell you that it is through this form that you will find peace. 

You do not need to shove away what you are experiencing now, this pain, in favor of pursuing some idea of happiness. Pain stays until we have learned what it is here to show us. By that I mean that until we know why we suffer, what confusion or delusion is causing us pain, we cannot know how to let it go. 

Peace comes not from certain experiences but discovering what you really are at your most fundamental level. Right now you are confusing who you are for your transitory (and currently suicidal) thoughts, your emotive feelings such as sadness, and the judgment that you are losing yourself. 

I can understand how pain can be tremendous and overwhelming. This reminds me of a quote from Pema Chodron: “No one ever tells us to stop running away from fear…the advice we usually get is to sweeten it up, smooth it over, take a pill, or distract ourselves, but by all means make it go away.”

Don’t fear these feelings you have. Don’t act on them, draw conclusions from them, or try to cover them up. Be unmoved by them yet entirely conscious of their presence. 

To not fear your own fear is true fearlessness. It doesn’t mean you have no fear but rather that fear has no power over you, even when you feel it threatening to swallow you whole. 

It is up to you how you will take this insight and move forward. Your current suffering and confusion may be used to find clarity and peace. That is what I suggest you do. 

You are not broken. You do not require fixing. Seek insight into the conflict you feel. 

A few books that you will find tremendous guidance from: The Places That Scare You by Pema Chodron, The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, and Belonging Here by Judith Blackstone. 

On top of all this, you may also find great perspective by seeing a therapist. In a pinch, I’m always here too. 

Namaste :) Much love

kesslerr asked: How does someone deal with the death of a loved one?

It is something you grow to accept. The process is a mix of grieving, surrender, and love. 

Everyone must find his or her own way but they are not alone each step of the way. Some may find guidance and perspective from religion or therapy while others may prefer introspection, meditation, and solitude. 

In the end, the memory of your loved one should be a blessing, not a painful curse. That is how you know that your grief, while painful, is moving you in the right direction. 

When you can confront the most challenging and heartbreaking aspects of life and still feel love and blessings, then you will be at peace. 

Namaste :)

ne0n-drag0nflyy asked: not an intensely personal question as much as curiosity. it feels right that people "wear" identities but "aren't" identities. what do you think about sexual identity? i know that people mostly feel that they are a this and are a that. (aka some people just can't like certain sexes.) i'm bi, but i'm starting to take on the belief that sexual identity is a stupid thing to begin with. when i feel about it, people should just like what they like without classifications. thoughts?

People already like what they like. The question is: are they honest with themselves? Are they repressed? Or do their non-sexual desires shape their sexual desires? Sexuality is an easily complicated phenomenon.

Some people are only attracted to the opposite sex and others to the same sex. Individuals such as yourself are lucky enough to dig both, which I imagine must open a larger window of potential partners. 

However, sexuality is also not to be mistaken for identity. You are not your gender nor your body. Sexuality is a game played among bodies and minds, it can be beautiful or ugly depending how people regard this game. But you are not it. 

You are existence without form and derivable identity. Everything this body-mind perceives is temporary, which means that while it can be enjoyed it isn’t to be mistaken for Real. 

So, yeah, I agree. Sexual identity is stupid :P If nothing else, the spiritual path means liberation from stupidity—primarily your own. 

Namaste!

houseoftherisingsunz asked: Hello friend. So I consider myself a serious person. I have heard many spirtual enthusiasts say not to take life too seriously. My question is, what does that signify, or what does it mean to you? And if you do not mind me asking, do you consider yourself religious or tend to primarily believe in an entity in any way? Thank you so much, kind regards. ~

“I consider myself” is probably the phrase that forms the ego quickest. By ego, I don’t mean arrogance. I mean the fictionalized identity that we claim to be who we really are. 

No person is born serious but it is a quality that comes with age. Seriousness has its time and place but to wear seriousness as an identity means to walk through life taking everything too strongly. 

There are some things seriousness can accept and there are other things it cannot. It can’t giggle, fool around, be silly, laugh at dumb moments, or even itself. Seriousness, to me, is the mood of non-surrender. When you aren’t comfortable working with the flow of life but feel the need to control it, we get very serious and uptight. 

I always recommend sincerity over seriousness. Sincerity has the intensity of seriousness but with more honesty involved. You can be sincerely serious when the time calls for it, or sincerely whacky, or sincerely awkward. 

The difference is that while seriousness tries to overwrite all of your experiences with a domineering control, sincerity gives you the freedom to explore it all. It is honest, innocent, and loving. 

You can’t take life too seriously, or rather personally. Life is a vast storm in which we are caught and not every drop of rain that hits us necessarily has our name scribbled on it. But life is a precious gift and it shouldn’t be taken lightly. Take it sincerely, with gratitude and curiosity. 

You say you consider yourself a serious person and ask me if I consider myself religious. This considering of one’s self is unnecessary. It is an ego, or identity, game. While we should be mindful of how we are, we shouldn’t confuse that for what we are. 

To me, spirituality is not about taking up beliefs but rather clearing them away. Finding clarity and shining a light on our own ignorance. Belief in an ‘entity’ seems more a thing of religion and philosophy than spirituality. 

Some doubt the existence of a God or ‘entity’. None can doubt his or her own existence. Therefore, in spirituality, it is recommended to investigate your own existence. In doing so, the question of a God or ‘entity’ will solve itself. 

All is one. All is the expression of the one. Not one, not two, that is the essence of non-duality. Go within, re-discover the place from which you are experiencing the human hallucination, and there will be peace. 

Namaste :)

moenlightened asked: is there a difference between doing better and being better?

I would say that while we can always do better in terms of outward improvement, we can never be better in terms of our cosmic nature. 

Our nature, soul, Being, aliveness, whatever you want to call it, is perfection itself. It has the qualities of being, consciousness, and bliss. 

Discovering this is not a matter of improving upon what you already are but rather coming to know what you are for yourself. Know your soul and you will be your moment’s best always. 

Doing better is a temporary thing. Things come together and they fall apart. Over and over we may learn better ways of putting things together. More efficient, more rewarding, more useful, anything. But it will always fall apart and end at some point. 

Destruction is inevitable but it seems so is creation, else it wouldn’t be here. 

Regardless, due to the impermanence of the creation-destruction cycle, we are told to find peace within ourselves. For That Self is the very space within which this cyclic drama unfolds. 

Namaste

somewhitecanvas asked: Hey. I read 'The Power of Now' a while ago and I admit it did not hit me straight away, but it has slowly affected my life and I have slowly turned to be much more in the now. Is that normal? Also, whilst in the now is it impossible to be unhappy? I find myself increasingly happy and positive despite any difficulties which face me. Thanks!

Because The Power of Now is about direct experience, it can feel a little inaccessible at first to some. However, if you remain open and contemplative, it will seep into you and become clear. That is the way of Truth. It cannot be stopped, only slowed. 

It is wonderful to hear that although it didn’t immediately flip a switch for you, you still allowed yourself to entertain it. 

Not only are you ‘in’ the now, but you are the now itself. To remember yourself and to be present in the Now are one and the same. When you dwell in self-remembrance, it is indeed impossible to be unhappy. 

By this I mean that you are no longer causing unnecessary suffering for yourself in this moment. Now and then you may find yourself releasing suffering you have been carrying around from the past. As you go into the future, even though unpleasant and challenging circumstances will come, you will remain attentive, tranquil, and alive. 

This kind of happiness is not the usual kind when others speak of feeling happy or positive. It is not an excitement but a sense of well-being, peace, and joy. It is at ease but vibrant. 

Enjoy the re-discovery you have made! Do not cling to this happiness and positivity but allow it to deepen itself as you continue to abide in the now, as the now. 

namaste :) keep it up

lark-dozed-then asked: What are your thoughts on personality, and perhaps its relationship to ego? Is personality a projection of ego?~ Much thanks always

Suppose you see a rope at night and then mistake it to be a snake. Instead of being scared, you grow to like this pet snake. You give it a name and even a history. 

But when the sun rises, you see that the snake was only ever a rope. Where did the snake go? Well, it didn’t go anywhere because it never was. 

That is like the ego. When you misperceive this body-mind as an individual existence, as you, then a personality arises to accompany it. You could call the personality a mood of your ego-illusion. It is a habitual way of thinking, feeling, and behaving. 

All this means is that the personality can’t be depended on to find truth. The unreal cannot give us the real. You are the real. But that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the personality and use it to express the truth that is your very existence. 

The personality is a temporary phenomenon, and often we cling to it because we derive some identity from it. But once you become aware of your aliveness without the lens of name and form, you stop mistaking yourself to be the temporary and allow it its dance. 

Namaste !