Joyful Abandon

activistfratboy-deactivated2012 asked: so i've got this ex lover who still clouds my mind nearly a year after it ended... she just frustrated me to no end and i ended up letting it drag me down for several months in a severe way... work, school, friends, room mates.. it all suffered because of it. seems to be a trend with me.. i let bad relationships just ruin everything on me and get so depressed over it everything in my life just seems unbearable. how do you recommend i overcome this tendency and forgive her and move on?

Forgiveness is not a power or an act that you summon, it is a let-go. When you realize it is for your own benefit as well as hers to allow forgiveness then forgiveness will occur on its own. 

True forgiveness does not happen between a victim and an aggressor. It is an understanding between two confused beings that underneath it all we all want the same thing. 

You seek too much refuge in relationships. What I mean by this is that you depend on your lover for your sense of Peace and well being. When that Peace is threatened then you just fall apart. 

This doesn’t mean you need to stop taking lovers and having relationships. It means you need to be in the right place before doing so. 

Before you can be with anyone else, you have to learn how to be with yourself. Only then can you truly interact with another human without bringing your own drama into it.

Meditation would do you much good. We forget ourselves in our emotions, our hardships, and we draw false conclusions about who we are. Meditation is about dropping conclusions and Being. It makes you feel less threatened by everything and therefore helps you maintain an insightful perspective. 

Don’t judge yourself, don’t be so hard on yourself. But observe yourself closely. You more than anyone else should understand the way your mind works. Then you can break free of your habits of thought. 

Meditation will change you. 

Also when it comes to approaching relationship dynamics in an enlightened manner, I cannot recommend Eckhart Tolle enough. His book The Power of Now is a very good place to start, and end! :P

I hope this helps. 

Namaste, brother!