spadix asked: I have a really good friend who I love talking to and hanging out with, but sometimes I feel like he inhibits my spiritual growth and I don't know why. We were together everyday this past week, and yesterday I decided to spend the day alone because lately I had been feeling so lost, I was just at a disconnect. Yesterday was such a great day, and I felt so much more centered in love after spending that day away from him. I don't want to cut him out of my life, I love him, what should I do?
We are responsible for the way we react to other people. Sometimes we aren’t aware of the level of reaction others cause in us and it seems like it is someone else’s fault.
It is possible your reactivity goes into activity when you spend time together. Much of social interaction revolves around trying to cause other people to react in some way: laughter, love, amusement, jealousy, bliss, whatever. But then when the social interaction ends and you are alone, you are left with extra sensitive reactivity.
That being said, I would say you should probably limit the time you spend with this person until you can maintain peaceful awareness in their presence. Don’t just cut him out but take some time to yourself now and then to either have some solitude or hang out with other people.
If you are meditating daily, it’ll help stabilize you after losing your rootedness. Keep in mind, some days feel blissful while others feel plain. The idea isn’t to escape from the plainness into the bliss. The idea is to become at peace with whatever the day may contain.
Buddha said that if you cannot find a good and sincere friend to spend time with, it is better to roam alone like a king who has renounced his kingdom. In my opinion, I don’t see why one can’t have that attitude while still being among other people.
Mindfulness is also an important technique to become familiar with. You can’t always meditate whenever you want but you can become mindful at any time, including during social interaction.
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