eightlimbsofbliss-deactivated20 asked: Why do I cry (in one-on-one settings) or have anxiety reactions (in more public settings) when I feel even the slightest bit of judgement toward me? It's not even negative judgement, just any perceived judgement whatsoever really messes with me. Ideas?
I have no idea why! But I can tell you how to stop it. The ‘why’ doesn’t matter as much as you may think.
What it comes down to is judgement. We think we are a victim of other people judging us but the truth is that the degree to which we feel other people’s judgements is directly correlated to how strongly we judge others. Other people, other objects, other places, anything. Judgement is a mind-habit, regardless of where it is directed. Perhaps you aren’t even a harsh judge, maybe you judge everyone kindly. But the habit of judgement is where this issue stems.
Judgement arises from comparison. You hold ideas in your mind, your ideas of others, your ideas of yourself, your ideas of the world and the way the world works. All of that put together is what we call the ego.
Only the ego can judge, can compare, can react to what we perceive. When you stop comparing and judging, the world becomes indescribably beautiful. Why? Because you are seeing things as they are for the first time.
Remember that the people you fear judgement from are complex structures of atoms, molecules, cells, memory, and conditioning. All of that temporarily exists as the phenomenon of a human being. Then that structure will dissipate and change into something else, or many something elses. Any power of judgement is derived from your own added habit/reaction in the mind.
When you start to feel the tears coming to you, when you start to feel the anxiety rising in you, don’t fight it. But don’t judge it either. Be like a curious audience and observe the feelings and thoughts that go through your mind.
Activities like meditation and mindfulness help you to let go of the judging habit by just becoming still. There are many delusional habits we all have: desires, reactions, beliefs, whatever. It is difficult to try to identify and disable each one by one. But simply by becoming peaceful and still, all of those things will extinguish themselves.
It is not an instant process but change occurs surprisingly and irreversibly from the beginning and onward.
Namaste, sis! :)
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