The Lazy Yogi

igotshine asked: Hello yogi, hope you are doing great:) Do you have some advice on how keeping yourself from attaching to someone? I know it is my Ego trying to make me believe that I need this person or the person´s approval in order to be complete and happy, but I´ve been having a really hard time with this, because Im getting to the point of feeling restless and anxious, and even though I focus on the Now, I don´t feel the peacefulness I used to feel. Thank you:)

Sometimes knowing an answer doesn’t make any difference. Then it really isn’t an answer. It is good to know that attachment is a mechanism of the ego but that doesn’t always make it feel any easier. I’m very sorry to hear of your pain. 

Some of it may be cognitive dissonance, which is the anxiety created by holding two contradictory thoughts and trying to reconcile them. On one level you know you do not need this person but on another level you feel a profound attachment. The resulting dissonance can create severe discomfort in many ways. 

You have to be willing to be present no matter what you are feeling in this moment. Sometimes you will not feel peaceful. You may feel sad or restless or angry or hurt. But peace doesn’t come from changing that. Peace comes from Presence itself. The more present you are, the less attention you place on your feelings. You aren’t at the mercy of transitory thoughts or emotions but instead filled with your existence, Existence itself. 

For example, when you wake from a deep sleep only to remember your sorrows. You weren’t missing anything when you were in that perfect void but coming into wakefulness you make yourself accessible to your pain. Becoming present is a wakeful way of entering the void.

The thing you are attached to is not the person but the thought in your head of the person. You are attached to the mental impression you have taken on about the person. Forgive and then forget. Attachment is a way of resisting the flow of things. Let go. 

During moments of anxiety, intense mindfulness will help. The more present you are willing to be for uncomfortable emotions and situations, the more comfortable you will become with them. This changes everything when you practice it over and over and over again. 

Namaste. Much love