The Lazy Yogi

There has been a bunch of messages in my inbox asking for advice about how to overcome a rough breakup. In one form or another, people have found it difficult to move on. 

Coping with the end of a six year on and off relationship has been very trying for me, especially at this point in my life. So I can understand the suffering you may feel. 

The first thing is hardest: don’t let your feelings tell you anything about the world or who you are as part of it. The way you felt before, the way you feel now, everything changes. So what is the truth? Is what you felt before true or what you feel now? Or neither?

What comes and goes is not You.

It is tempting to compare yourself with the person who broke your heart; who is better off and who is worse off. And because you feel so horrible inside, you think you are the one who is worse off. Then the pain can become intolerable. 

But comparison never brings real truth or clarity. It cannot be trusted; not if your focus is to get to the heart of the matter. Don’t take your trains of thought too seriously.

I cannot lead you from a suffering I have yet to emerge from myself. But I can tell you how I am dealing with it. 

Daily meditation reminds me of what the Existence I feel really is; it keeps me from confusing myself to be this temporary manifestation. When your attention is not fixated on the spectrum of alone vs. together, neither exist. Then there is only Wholeness. Honestly I don’t know how people emerge from emotional challenges with their sanity intact without relying on meditation. 

Also, don’t run away from your feelings, no matter how painful they may be. Stay Here and stay present with them. The past is in memory and to let go of the past is to become present. The bodily feeling of pain comes from your body’s reaction to your mind’s thoughts. If you shift your attention from the thoughts in your head to the feeling in your body, you can interrupt this process. That is a mindfulness technique. 

So that is what I have been doing. Meditating, being mindful, and breaking apart. We’ll see how it goes. 

Namaste, sangha. You are loved; so love each other.