Anonymous asked: ive recently been heartbroken for the first time, he hurt me really bad. he doesnt feel the same way anymore but i cannot seem to stop thinking about him and hoping for a future with him still. i believe he is over me but i dont understand why i cant forget about him. hes not good for me, but i cant stop thinking about him.
I’m so very sorry to hear of your suffering. I have been there before and I understand how it can make the mind run wild and the body become ill.
The first thing to accept is that you need no other person in order to have love in your life. Love comes from being loving, not from being loved. When a relationship ends, particularly in a hurtful way, the sudden cessation of relating often cuts away love from our attention. We feel alone, forsaken, and pained.
This creates a feeling in the body, a kind of emotion. Then your thoughts begin to match this vibration. And the more those thoughts continue, the more they keep that vibration alive.
Now, we cannot stay in the same state forever and you will eventually drop this situation in time. But rather than waiting for it to happen, if you deliberately become aware of it and move through it, you will discover a tremendous power within you.
If you don’t fully address these feelings, you may find yourself chasing a replacement boyfriend. That is how so many people wind up with the wrong kind of lovers. They are seeking security and companionship because they cannot be alone. In doing so, you will only find suffering.
By discovering, accepting, and abiding in your aloneness, you will not only find a beautiful and untouchable peace and love but you will also be able to recognize that special someone when they come along. No clinging, no neediness, just connection.
When I was dealing with depression, only two things helped me: sleep and meditation. This was because during both those activities, the mind stopped. The difference is that during sleep, you revert to a level below conscious thought. Whereas during meditation, you become alert in such a way that is above thinking. There is just consciousness with thinking coming and going.
Take up daily meditation. It may be challenging but consider it a way of digesting something unpleasant. The process may not be to your liking but the result will relieve you tremendously.
When not meditating, try to shift your attention from these thoughts in your head to the feeling of being in your body. Remember that you are not the body but rather the body is more like something you are wearing.
See where in the body the physical emotions and feelings of this suffering are manifesting. Take your attention deeply into those feelings without judgement or analysis. Breathe deeply and hold this in your awareness. Be gentle but persistent.
In doing so, you will discover a kind of space around these feelings. They may still be there, but they will not be so overwhelming. Then you will know that you will be okay. That is the trick to emerging from this kind of depression.
It is not about flipping a switch and being all happy and beautiful. Simply, let yourself be okay with it all. And that will be the beginning of a very powerful new way for you to engage life fearlessly.
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