The Lazy Yogi

What was the darkest time in your life and how did you recover from it?

Thu, 23 May 2013 22:21:00 -0400

What I consider the darkest times of my life are the times I felt entirely uncertain and lost. While tragedy certainly played its part in my past, to me the most difficult time of my life were the two years following college graduation.

I left college with an ivy league diploma, a smoking habit, and an unhealthy relationship with my girlfriend. I moved back home, slept on a broken pullout couch, and had no direction in life.

Bit by bit, shit fell apart. My girlfriend and I split up, I couldn’t get a job, and all my friends were scattered across the country. Every morning I would wake up with a pit in the bottom of my stomach, thinking, “Fuck, I’m still here.”

If it weren’t for my meditation practice, I would have entirely lost touch with sanity.

So what did I do? I kept moving forward. I quit my dead end internships and dropped my smoking habit. I took up weekly yoga and started to sweat out all that noise I was holding in my body.

I got a few part time jobs writing to help pay for my food. I got rid of the ratty ass couch bed that was destroying my back and got a new bed. Just as slowly as I had watched the life I knew fall apart, I grew it back up.

But this time it wasn’t made of flimsy smoke and fragile mirrors. Now it is more like bamboo: strong yet flexible.

I spent that time reading every day. I would consume the words of self-realized humans and apply those teachings not only to my spiritual development but also the way I wished to approach finding a life and a career.

It struck me that one reason I hadn’t been able to land a job in my chosen industry, film, was because I just didn’t care about it. Sure it was cool and fun but was it really worth dedicating my life to? Clearly I hadn’t thought so.

One day early this year, I had lunch with a buddhist friend of my father’s. He’s a successful and immeasurably compassionate individual. He sat me down and listed all of my perceivable talents from meditative focus and dextrous hands to intellect and scientific curiosity. In short, he thought I should seriously consider becoming a doctor like my father had been.

I spent the next several months considering his words every day. Now I’m waiting to hear back from a few accelerated premed programs that I have applied to. For the first time in a long time, I’m excited at what the next few months will bring.

The dark times do not drag you down. They give you the opportunity to clear the shit out of your life to allow something new and beautiful to thrive.

“Some changes look negative on the surface but you will soon realize that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

I have no idea how this story will play out so I’ll guess we just have to wait and see. But at the least I can always say I regret nothing and feel an overwhelming gratitude for all that crap. It made me strong.

Namaste :)

Hey yogi,hope youre doing well, I need your advice, I am having trouble being compassionate and kind towards my parents. They have never been the best parents in fact for most of my life they have been a nightmare and I just can't seem to let it go.

Thu, 23 May 2013 19:51:00 -0400

This reminds me of a humorous quote from Ram Dass, “If you think you are so enlightened, go and spend a week with your parents.”

Because our earliest misidentified sense of self was molded first by our parents, they tend to have this magical power of pushing all the wrong buttons. Meditation helps to reclaim a sense of self that is independent of mind, body, and personality.

It is not that you need to hone in on your parents and find a reason to be kind and compassionate for them. Cultivate kindness and compassion as a way of being. It is not that you tailor-make a special kind of compassion for one person and a different kind for another.

Similar to the way that the sun shines the same light on all things, and that light has nothing to do with those things but is a pure expression of the sun’s nature, so too can you radiate love and compassion.

Understandably this can be challenging at first. Regard the difficulties your parents put you through not as something justified or unjustified but rather something to use as training. You can do this with every aspect of your life that is less than ideal.

Such an approach is the basic perspective for tonglen and tibetan buddhism. A few books that will give you insight and practical techniques are Becoming Enlightened by the Dalai Lama and The Places That Scare You by Pema Chodron.

No one deserves compassion and kindness. They are simply a part of reality, the mood of the non-dual unity that permeates all things. You get with the program not because it is justified but because it is simply the nature of existence.

When you begin to get a feel for it, you will see that those who seem the least deserving of compassion are often the ones most transformed by it. Regardless of outcome, it makes all of life a celebration.

Namaste :)

"When we feel love and kindness toward others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but..."

Thu, 23 May 2013 18:03:00 -0400

“When we feel love and kindness toward others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace.”

- The Dalai Lama

Processed Meats Declared too Dangerous for Human Consumption

Thu, 23 May 2013 17:36:00 -0400

Processed Meats Declared too Dangerous for Human Consumption:

Yet another reason to become vegetarian sooner rather than later. Perhaps, god willing, when I move out in the fall?

Namaste

"Your visions will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside,..."

Thu, 23 May 2013 15:26:31 -0400

“Your visions will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”

- Carl Jung

hopping in the car with a book in the passenger seat and gunning for the nearest body of water until...

Thu, 23 May 2013 10:54:11 -0400

hopping in the car with a book in the passenger seat and gunning for the nearest body of water until today’s storm comes and the skies open

"Most human relationships consist mainly of minds interacting with each other, not of human beings..."

Thu, 23 May 2013 09:40:00 -0400

“Most human relationships consist mainly of minds interacting with each other, not of human beings communicating, being in communion. No relationship can thrive in that way, and that is why there is so much conflict in relationships. When the mind is running your life, conflict, strife, and problems are inevitable.”

- Eckhart Tolle

I was just going through your post on the practice of Tonglen. It is mostly do with self -contemplation, I believe. Or something that I am working on at my end. Does this self-contemplation lead us make amends? Should we make amends by using words and acting on our compassionate thoughts once we think we're ready? When does readiness arrive?

Thu, 23 May 2013 09:17:00 -0400

I would say Tonglen is more of a connection to the feelings we’d rather run away from, like awkwardness, fear, embarrassment, and suffering. Then we learn to stay with and touch those feelings while breathing out spaciousness, calm, and compassion.

It is sometimes referred to as exchanging the self with the other, in other words taking a walk in someone else’s shoes.

We are always ready to make amends but sometimes it can take a little work to realize that and come to terms with it. Through practicing tonglen, your fear and anger give way to compassion and understanding.

Once that happens, you may indeed feel inspired to make amends, act on your compassion, or just give someone a hug. Feel free to do any and all of those things.

Namaste :) Much love

"Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves."

Wed, 22 May 2013 20:27:50 -0400

“Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.”

- Henry David Thoreau

Q: You mentioned earlier that the past two years you had been single and that "It was a necessary time for self-reflection". I am myself, going through a process of self-reflecting and I am in a 6 year relationship with someone I can honestly say I share a mutual truly loving relationship with.. Is it possible to get the full reflection I need for myself, while I share a piece of me with another?

Wed, 22 May 2013 19:51:46 -0400

Absolutely. It just means you need to be extra perceptive in the process.

When you’ve been in a relationship that long, it can be challenging to get a sense of yourself without the context of your partner. You can’t imagine what life would be like without them and even trying to do so can fill you with pain.

The ideal that you should aim for is to be at peace with the notion of being alone, of being without your partner. This not only allows you to go deeply into yourself to discover tranquility and peace as qualities of your existence, but it also facilitates a more loving relationship between you and your partner that doesn’t involve an element of need or clinging.

One of my favorite quotes about relationships comes from the Dalai Lama, who says: “The best kind of relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.”

To me, that is true abundance of love. When you introduce a needy or clingy dynamic, not only are you splitting your relationship between love and fear, but you are also creating confusion in yourself by seeking permanence in impermanent phenomena.

When you acknowledge and abide as the solitude of existence, your relationship is a lot less like sharing just a peace of yourself and more like celebrating the totality of the cosmos in yourself and all things, together with your partner.

Namaste :)

Eckhart Tolle says that all problems are illusions of the mind and goes on to say that it is impossible to have a problem when your attention if fully on the Now. I am not sure how I feel about this. What if you are living in poverty or suffer from a painful and debilitating disease in these cases the problem is not in your mind, it is external is it not? And what could be achieved by being in the now with these particular problems?

Wed, 22 May 2013 19:46:17 -0400

I wouldn’t say this is an accurate summation of Tolle’s teachings.

All problems are transient, which means to say temporary. They either end at some point during our lives, or when the body dies. You, however, are timeless and eternal existence itself.

Poverty and disease are indeed painful challenges. You can either meet such circumstances with resistance, creating a mental story of suffering and victim identity with which to live, or you can meet those challenges as best you can through clarity and awareness.

I wouldn’t say spirituality is a cure for poverty or sickness. Spirituality is a cure for the disease of identification with this impermanent body and human experience. When you no longer depend on this human body/identity for peace and happiness, pain may still happen to that body but suffering does not rise to meet it from within.

Being in the now is not an achievement. It is a recognition of your own existence. You are the now. It is from the now that the brain can recall the past or imagine the future. You can do so with much greater clarity when your sense of self is not caught up in a mental projection of linear time.

Essentially, being stricken with poverty or a disease is challenging and painful enough. It becomes unbearable when you add your own mental confusion and identification with these transient conditions. By taking the pressure off such difficult situations through ceasing identification with the impermanent and re-discovering the Self, a person may face them with intelligence and bravery.

Namaste :)

hey there! i feel really bad lately, kind of disconnected and unrelated to what implies Mother Nature, and i don't know how to get back on track. i just find myself standing in a place and wanting to cry. lately, one of my friends broke up with her boyfriend and all i do while i'm with her ( up to 5 hours a day) is listening and trying to confort her and to make her stop crying, and my spiritual self just can't cope with that anymore. a piece of advice would be more than welcome :)

Wed, 22 May 2013 19:27:37 -0400

Why wont you let your friend cry? It is good that you have been supportive of her and you should continue to be there for here. But you need not spend five hours a day indulging her.

Breakups are difficult things to go through for sure, but you cannot go through it for her. She has to be the one making the effort to release her pain and re-discover a sense of self that is independent of a man in her life.

If you can help make that clear to her, wonderful. If not, let it go. We either learn from others or from our mistakes but sooner or later we get the message.

When we see others in suffering, we should do what we can to help. Knowing when to comfort and when to bear silent witness is part of that. Regardless, I would recommend practicing tonglen for yourself and your friend when in such situations. In that way, you can directly relate to the pain you witness while at the same time bringing forth love and compassion.

You are never disconnected from nature. You are nature. To come back to nature means to come back to yourself. Some daily meditation will help you wonderfully :)

Namaste, sis. Much love

dragging my lazy ass out of a nap and into yoga edit: great to hear some lazy yogis and yoginis...

Wed, 22 May 2013 17:04:00 -0400

dragging my lazy ass out of a nap and into yoga

edit: great to hear some lazy yogis and yoginis doing the same thing! feeling quite vivified now

"Whenever happiness shines in your experience, it is your own nature shining, and to the degree that..."

Wed, 22 May 2013 15:29:00 -0400

“Whenever happiness shines in your experience, it is your own nature shining, and to the degree that you remove the false definitions that hem it in, to that degree the Bliss shines all the more for you.”

- Master Nome

couldn’t help it, just had to get naked by the pool again edit:...

Wed, 22 May 2013 14:33:00 -0400

couldn’t help it, just had to get naked by the pool again

edit: I’ve received a ton of info from different people about how Naked is owned by pepsico, contains GMOs, and has actively lobbied against GMOs being labeled.

So despite their deliciousness, I’m probably just going to find another delicious smoothie company to be let down by in the future :P

Hi lazyyogi. I've aways strugled to express my feelings. This year I met someone who made me know how to love the other, "what is love". But recently, this person got inscure and said hurtful words and it became a big deal to me, although i wish I wouldn't feel this. It became hard again to open my heart (verbaly) and I'm suffering with this... How can I let love speak louder, in this situation? Thank you, very much

Wed, 22 May 2013 12:30:49 -0400

Love is loudest when it speaks through silence.

“True silence is endless speech.” ~ Ramana Maharshi

Expressing feelings isn’t as crucial as you may think. Certainly there are times when outward self-expression is important, and communication is an integral part of any relationship.

However, feelings are transient phenomena and as such they don’t necessitate an outward expression every moment they arise. This would be the equivalent of speaking every thought you have out-loud before finding clarity on those thoughts.

After someone hurts us, we may feel less inclined to share what is innermost to our being because we fear rejection. Such a fear would certainly impede expression.

What’s important isn’t necessarily expressing yourself to others right away but feeling comfortable being sincere and honest with yourself about your feelings.

Love is the radiant silence that fills us with appreciation and gratitude. When we perceive nothing as being wrong or out of place, we feel that love rise spontaneously. It is not a force vying for space but rather the space itself, interrupted only by the boundaries we put up.

“Your task is not to seek for love but to seek and remove all the boundaries that you have built against it.” ~ Rumi

Don’t wish you felt any other way than you do now, for by doing that you rob this moment of the power to allow growth. Whatever you are feeling now, no matter how painful, is a call to attend to something that is amiss in your perception and understanding.

A great book on how to work through such obstacles while still maintaining connection with Love is The Places That Scare You by Pema Chodron.

Namaste :) Much love

"It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters."

Wed, 22 May 2013 10:32:30 -0400

“It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.”

- Epictetus

Hey there! You mentioned earlier that the past two years you had been single and that "It was a necessary time for self-reflection". It is very logical that some people may need to be alone for this time of self-reflection..I am myself, going through a process of self-reflecting and I am in a 6 year relationship with someone I can honestly say I share a mutual truly loving relationship with.. Is it possible to get the full reflection I need for myself, while I share a piece of me with another?

Wed, 22 May 2013 09:51:54 -0400

Absolutely. It just means you need to be extra perceptive in the process.

One of my favorite quotes about relationships comes from the Dalai Lama, who says: “The best kind of relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.”

Namaste :)

I just got home from a benefit for the Children’s Brain Tumor Foundation in nyc. My mother was...

Tue, 21 May 2013 22:47:00 -0400

I just got home from a benefit for the Children’s Brain Tumor Foundation in nyc. My mother was giving an award in the name of my departed father to a pediatric neurosurgeon whom I have known all my life.

Families who have both had children lost and triumphed against brain tumors spoke and shared their stories. It was truly a touching and informative experience.

On top of that, every seat at each table was adorned with a copy of one of my father’s books about the lessons he learned from treating children with life threatening brain and spinal cord tumors.

I feel blessed to have been born as the youngest of five children into such a family. Over the next few days, I plan to reread my father’s book as I am currently pursuing a future in medicine. His writing style reminds me of my own.

Namaste, sangha.

"If you know your being, there is no question of becoming. All that you could have ever imagined to..."

Tue, 21 May 2013 16:53:57 -0400

“If you know your being, there is no question of becoming. All that you could have ever imagined to become you already are. You are gods who have forgotten who they are. You are emperors who have fallen asleep and are dreaming that they have become beggars. Now beggars are trying to become emperors, in dreams they are making great efforts to become emperors, and all that is needed is to wake up!”

- Osho